Everything's falling into place now.
Over the last handful of days, I've been reading up almost everything I can find on the manosphere on Edenistic Theory, the associated phrenology (not the phrenology of old), and what it means for us all.
This shit is fascinating.
It all explains so much. On a macro level, it explains the cycle of history. R-selection and K-selection. Why the majority of people are idiots seeking wine, women and wantoness, and judging from the comments I often see left on internet forums, couldn't think their way out of a paper bag. Why some people think that argumentum ad populum is logically valid. Why the meat/protein-heavy paleo diet works.
Sure, I'm not Einstein by any means; I fully admit I'm slow on the uptake, and every single IQ test I've taken has returned me results within the 110-120 range. Seems that "major melon back" on my noggin isn't making me any smarter by those metrics, that's for sure.
On a micro level? It explains so-f'ing-much about my life. Shall I count just a couple of ways?
- The maternal side of my family comes from what my mother terms "hardy stock". I've mentioned in one of my previous posts how my mother suddenly became a lot more introverted and reclusive while pregnant with me, something that didn't happen with my siblings.
- Until my sister left to study abroad and I moved into her newly vacated room, I lived in a storeroom for about five years. Just enough space for a mattress and a cupboard, and when I turned off the light it was completely dark and silent, quite comforting, in fact. I remember reading Harry Potter, how he lived in a cupboard under the stairs before going off to Hogwarts, and wondering just what was so terrible about that.
- Being typed INTJ on Myers-Briggs.
- Why I find talking with everyday people utterly boring and a drain on my energy.
- Throughout the ages of 8-12, was tormented by a bunch of idiots on the school bus who picked on me because...well, I didn't know why. I didn't become a truly fat kid until the age of 10, so I don't think that was the reason. They picked on the fact that I had a runny nose and used a handkerchief, but I was far from the only kid in school with such an affliction. Maybe they just didn't like my face, which in the light of Edenistic Theory might actually be plausible.
What disturbs me today about the whole thing is how much of a patsy I was about the whole thing - even though I dreaded getting on the school bus to and fro, at the end of the day I'd always end up forgiving my tormentors and do stupid things like spend my lunch money buying massively overpriced trading cards from them. No doubt they thought me a chump.
- Constantly reaching for power, and yet once having achieved that power, being too much of a patsy to actually wield it effectively.
Couple of cases in point: throughout the ages of 13-16, I was in the National Police Cadet Corps (think Hitler Jugend-lite. Everyone in my school was forced to join a uniformed youth organisation by an egoist principal who said 'it would help us develop as leaders'. Anything but.) Three years I chewed dirt and tarmac at the hands of sadistic seniors while dreaming of someday doing the same thing to others, and when it was my turn to be a senior I found I couldn't do it. I wanted the junior cadets to want to follow my instruction instead of having to be coerced with the prospect of chewing tarmac and dirt, and boys being what they are, they laughed at the idea.
I eventually ended up as a storeman, keeping the damned place clean, keeping meticulous inventory, and only interacting with people on a need-to basis. I'd like to think I did a damn good job of it, too. At least this didn't happen while I was in the Navy - I only made it up to corproal, after all.
Second case: when I was 14, I decided I was tired of being picked on all the time, and besides, I got my mind around to the fact that being fat was disgusting. So I began working out five days a week, and sustained that. I went ahead and told the one friend I had at the time that on the very last day of school, I was going to give my tormentors a good thrashing.
I could've done it. I'm pretty sure I would've had some chance; I'd lost a good number of kilos and packed on a fair bit of muscle over two years. But I couldn't do it. I walked by them on my way out the school gates, wondering how easy it would be to just raise my fist and plant it in the nearest face, but I couldn't raise a hand against them, as if there was a mental block in my mind preventing violence.
- My dad complaining about why I don't have many friends, and my usual retort that I'd rather have a few close friends than a whole medley of passing acquaintances.
- Waiting four hours for my date on my first date at fifteen years old (this was before everyone and their mother had a cellphone), only to find out later she'd flaked on me.
- My only friend in school was a bit of an outcast, too. I don't know why - we didn't have that much of a basis for being friends in terms of common interests and such, but we just clicked and stuck together for six years againt our shared tormentors. The only thing that could come close to being a disagreement between us was my (hopefully gentle) rejection of his attempts to convert me to Christianity.
It would be so easy to dismiss all my life experiences out of hand and go back to sleep; so many people look out the window, see something that doesn't agree with their preconceived beliefs, and decide reality's the one that's wrong and draw the curtains. However, Mr. Forney et al have heavily cited all their sources, and the more I go through them, the more I'm swayed.
I know, I know. It has the same allure that reincarnation has when people want to believe they're the reincarnation of someone important or powerful - you'll never hear anyone say "I'm the reincarnation of a dirt-poor mongolian herdsman who was trampled to death by his own herd thanks to his dumbassery." It's one of the reasons I asked someone else to type me, because I'm not sure that my subconscious wouldn't try to twist the facts if I turned out to be a stunted, dumbass Cro-Mag manboon. But as global warming shows, modern science is hardly a paragon of truth and honesty about anything that contradicts the Cathedral-backed narrative.
I think the crux of the issue is that this whole Edenism thing should be used as a stepping stone to greater understanding of one's self and others, as a platform from which one can reach for higher goals. As I've mentioned before, you've got to understand yourself before you can start self-improvement.
And if I'm deluding myself, well, I'm already a crazy gook kook, daring to believe things like the differences between men and women are based in biology and more crazy stuff like the threat of an imminent ice age, so what's a little more on the top of the heap?
Heck, maybe an ice age will do humanity some good. Manboons freeze, Thals get to walk the world again.