Saturday, 2 February 2013
Recovering from Gamma - seeing the box for what it is.
Vox Day has picked another poor fellow to submit to his amusement imperative, John Scalzi, and has been lampooning the sop on his main blog. One side effect of this is that there's a discussion on gamma men on Alpha Game, how they behave, and in the comments, what gamma men can do to recover from this little problem they're in. The discussion has been most edifying, and I'm still waiting on Vox's reply on what he believes to be a proper route to recovery.
As I've mentioned before in my previous posts, I believe myself to be a mix of delta/gamma on the socio-sexual hierachy, perhaps 33% delta and 66% gamma. While I like to think I've improved somewhat since learning about game and its applications, I'm also inclined to keep things realistic now. No Don Juan or Casanova here.
As such, I've found myself still prone to shocks and stupidity when caught off-guard. Just the other day during tutorial, I was about to settle down to an hour of mental solitude and discussion when a girl sitting next to me asks if there're any assignments due this week.
Now this is unexpected, since I'm used to being in my own personal bubble during tutorial. I don't quite catch the question, so I turn towards her -
- Lean in so I can hear her better -
- And ask her to repeat herself, to which I reply "no, not as far as I know."
A seemingly simple exchange, but what I ought to have done was keep myself straight, made eye contect over my shoulder, and simply said "no" after I'd understood her question. Gah, it's like thinking up a witty comeback after the argument's ended. Oh well, there's always next time, like they say. Becoming the mask is harder than it sounds.
A couple of years ago, I was in what I believed to be a simple friendship with a fellow writer of mine. Of course, now that I realise that it's practically impossible for men and women to be "just" friends, owing to the fact that there has to be some level of sexual attraction on the guy's part, even though it's not always expressed or even conscious. That, of course, was before I knew anything about game, so I fell straight into the beta orbiter gravity well and got stuck there for a couple of years. Visited her, washed her dishes, turned into her emotional tampon, the works. This went on until one day she and I got into an argument over a friend of mine (said friend had a trait that wasn't quite safe for work, and I said I didn't know him that well while we were pretty good buddies), and it got pretty bad with the whole "you lied to me about him, how do you know you won't lie to me about anything else?"
At first, I went into full supplication mode, then when I eventually decided enough was enough and moved to cut her off, she did an about-face and begged me to continue the friendship.
Being the schlubb that I was, I did just that.
It didn't get better after that, really - it just got worse over the next few months. Didn't share writing any more (she eventually accused me of stealing her ideas), constant silences and coldness. I kept on doing my best to avoid conflict, usually through capitulation to whatever inane demand she had at the time (ugh, it sickens me to remember it) and eventually another argument over something idiotic and trivial, during which every last scrap of ammunition from all the years we'd known each other was brought to bear.
I remember her calling me controlling. Me? Controlling? I was the biggest beta schlubb ever during that time in my life. Hah.
And that was finally enough to kick some sense into my gamma brain, and I dropped her for good this time. But it's once more reflective of the idea that although I thought that this was a perfectly bland and non-sexual friendship, now that I know about game it seems that it was anything but that. Oh well.
Now the point I'm trying to make here to my fellow gamma men is that there's no harm in indulging in fantasies to escape reality every now and then - there's no shame in owning a box and getting in it once in a while. I know I'd go insane without the castles I build in my head, as opposed to the merely slightly crazy now.
The important thing is that what you dream up in your head has to remain there. Get into the box every now and then if that's what it takes to keep you functional, but understand that the box is the box, and reality is something different. What happens in the box stays in the box; the moment you end up conflating what's in and out of the box, that's when the problems arise. At some point, you have to venture outside the bunker into the post-apocalyptic world, at some point, you have to face reality. Yes, game does exist. No, you do not define the world. Yes, this bitch is crazy and you're being used. Yes, this relationship is not worth saving. No, you're not big-boned, you're fat. Yes, it's not acceptable, and you need to do something about yourself.
That seems to be the crux of the issue when it comes to recovering from gamma, whether it's natural or having been beaten into you. Face reality for what it is, no matter how unpalatable (I wonder how many gamma red-pillers are there compared to the other groups of men?). Keep things objective, and admit that you're wrong when you are, instead of twisting your loss into a victory. Meet obstacles head-on instead of sniping at them.
Then now that you have acknowledged the world for what it really is, go out and do something about it. Learn game, both inner and outer; admit to yourself what men and women are attracted to in each other. Hit a gym. If you want to satiate the more inquisitive sections of your mind, then go run a few tests with game and gather your own empirical evidence on the subject; that should satisfy you as to its efficiacy. Face your own fears, which is a lot easier said than done (I should know). Stop running away from scary situations (I know this is terribly hard to do for a gamma man. Growing up with an alpha thug brother didn't help much, either).
If you don't, then you're probably going to end up like a miniature version of Scalzi and Hines (shame, really. I liked Hines when it came to his goblin books, then his Charlie's Angels princess crap started devolving into "grrl power" nonsense. The first book was okay, but by the fourth, I was sick of it all. But that's off-topic.) - mocked and ridiculed by people who are more aware of reality as it stands.